From Suppression to Expression

I was born in a joint family of 13 people. As the youngest amongst them, I lacked identity because there was always someone who had done or experienced everything before me. Growing up in a situation like this, whenever I tried to express myself, I was told or rather I felt I am young and was taken lightly.

After 3 years, I finally had someone younger to me, my cousin. I made sure that I protect him and never let him feel any less important just because he was the youngest. But soon we shifted and even that feeling of being relevant and purposeful to someone was gone.

"After years of living that way and suppressing my expression, now I lost trust in people around me. I concluded that my voice does not matter and felt completely useless."

As I entered college, I again. began to look for relevance, purpose and validation so that I can make my identity and regain my lost voice. It was a pool of opportunities and I took up all of them in order to prove myself. Being the kind of person present for everyone, everywhere and every time, I got that validation, but the hunger to prove myself was still not satisfied.

Eventually, with college ending, so did that pool of opportunities. With nothing to validate myself, I lost every bit of confidence in myself.

That is when the most liberating experience entered my life - My exchange program in Europe.

Being all alone was never something I had done. I always had someone I know around me. When I landed in Prague, a city where no one knew me or understood what I was trying to say, I was scared to my gut. I had no faith in me making it on my own. But staying there for over a month, I got comfortable with other participants around me. With this new set of people around me now, again, I got the validation, relevance and purpose to funtion and be something.

The real challenge was when I began my solo trip from Amsterdam. All I did for 2 days was cry and question everything about myself. Who am I? What am I even doing here? Is there any relevance to me?

What changed everything for me, was being on the top of the Eiffel Tower when I reached Paris. For some reason, from the moment I reached Paris, I was no longer thinking of how alone or irrelevant I was. I was only obsessed with being on the top of the Eiffel Tower. It felt like my Everest. Something you break all boundaries to achieve! BLURR

"As soon as I was on the top of the Eiffel Tower, I experienced bliss and complete peace. That is when I realised this was all a metaphor for me."

Doing something all by myself helped me discover that lost confidence and made me value my own voice. I no longer felt the need for validation or relevance from others. I knew I had a purpose and reason to exist. This experience formed the foundation of my journey of discovering myself.

I returned home after being able to fully express myself to the world. While this discovery was huge, it was now impossible to sit and wonder what that purpose or reason of existence was. To continue this journey, I did my Program for Life where I discovered the distinct me. I did not want to stop right there and I chose to complete my Fellowship in Human Design Education where I finally experienced oneness.

I understood that to be distinct, I do not have to force myself to be separate or different from others. My harshness on self changed to love and compassion for self. In the presence of love, I felt peace in spite of constant internal conflicts. And with this compassion I wish to empower myself & others, which is the purpose of my life.

People I am Inspired by: Paulo Coehlo, Dan Fogelman

Favourite Movies/TV Series: About Time, Tamasha, This Is Us (TV Series)

My Ornaments are:

Who Am I	Peace
World I Am In	Bringing Love
Legacy	Empowerment
Purpose	Empowering People
Reason I Exist	Bringing peace and love by empowering others
My Contribution	Listening
I Am	Compassion

The 7 Ornaments are your unique expressions of who you are — your purpose, your legacy, your contribution, and the love you bring to the world. They are discovered through Program for Life (PFL), a journey of deep self-exploration that helps you uncover and live your true self-expression.

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If something here moved you -

you belong here.

These aren't just blogs. They're lived experiences of hiding, returning, forgiving, and beginning again. If you found yourself in someone else's words, there's a place for your story too. Book a free call with a Human Design Educator to know more today!

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