Benjamin Victor Manickam
Human Design Educator (Professional)
Officer for Engagement (VMKG)


THE JOURNEY OF BOSS BABY TO LEADER BABY

As a young child, I was always happy, and expressive. I was in a space of love and joy till about 7 years of age. I never knew what suppression or guilt was.

During the next seven years of my life, my parents shifted housing communities four times which left me confused each time a little bit more. I was left with an experience of anger against my parents for uprooting me, guilt about abandoning my community and fear of being left alone. To cope up with that, I sometimes created a personality of mastikhor and cutie who was liked by everyone, especially teachers and adults in my environment and sometimes of a rebel who was feared by his peer group.

These constant movements created resentments within me against my parents especially my father which impacted my true being. Thus began the journey of a child who was happy and expressive living in a world of love and joy, transitioning into a world of blame and becoming a manipulator and materialistic child. I started using people for my own needs and soon became a competent manipulator but still had this constant fear that one day I would be a disappointment to my father who always saw me as a ‘PERFECT CHILD’.

I was so guilt -ridden seeing myself for what I had become that I tried to get rid of these cloaks but could not. I started to ignore my dark side and realised that just to escape from responsibility, I had created a dark side “sourced in lack of compassion and lack of acceptance for self”. This made me weaker from within, day by day, I started developing layers of protection outside (body fat) so that no one could see the weaker me and hence would not be able to hurt me, neither physically nor mentally.

I was continuing to hold my dad responsible and my mother accountable for everything I was turning into. The only person who understood my hatred for self and anger at him, was the person responsible for it, my dad. How could he be unaware of my inner struggle! I asked the universe helplessly sometimes. Little did I know that my dad and mom knew what I was turning into and were just waiting for the right moment to intervene.

My life took a new turn, when I met Deveeka Gondane. When I was about to turn 15, my dad decided that it was time for me to experience ‘Program for life’ and he chose Deveeka as my educator. That was the best gift I could have got for my fifteenth birthday.

I entered the program with my own suspicions. Here, I was born in the space of PFL and I was thinking- can she even create anything for me when my father was the creator of the program?


But I was in for a shock, a real electric shock. I was aghast at seeing the reality of the world I had created for myself! I would always be grateful to Deveeka for creating a fulfilling experience of love, care, and connect which I had lost staying in the world of blame and anger. Deveeka was like a mirror to me which showed me what I had been hiding and suppressing. In her space, I evolved as a human being. I felt gratitude in that moment for my dad for creating the program.

In spite of going through the complete journey of ‘Program For Life’ the manipulator in me did not die. The seven ornaments that I had discovered , became my seven weapons to live the life of manipulation happily once again. e.g. Love as suffocation, Compassion as sympathy, Empowerment as trap of loyalty, Possibility as escape, Creation as manipulation, Self discovery as leverage, Empower & Accept as trap them into a relationship, Self-Expression as justification, Creator of Responsibility as escape.

But with this much inauthenticity I was bound to break. I was getting irritated, agitated and scared of being around Deveeka, dad, mom, or anyone who was in the VMKG space. That is when I decided to enroll for fellowship.

During this journey of fellowship, I discovered the possibility of being a STAND for people because I distinguished STAND as distinction self and experienced the possibility of the world as one. I became a certified Human Design Educator (professional) on Sunday, 6th June 2021.

Now I know:
My being is distinguished when I accept my reflection.

My being is incomplete without forgiveness.

To accept self, I need to have acceptance for my reflection and incompletion.

Gratitude is the space of completion with others as self.

Completion with parents creates the space of responsibility because they are the source of ‘who you are’. The realisation of their contribution in my life has washed away all the resentments and guilt within me. Today I experience GRATITUDE and only gratitude for my appa ‘Victor Theophilus Manickam’ and amma ’Anitha Victor Manickam’ for who they are.

Thus, I take ownership for my seven ornaments because I am “Creator of Responsibility”