You Cannot Help People — You Can Only Discover Yourself and Support Others in Discovering Themselves

When I gave an interview at the Victor Manickam Knowledge Group, it was perhaps the fifteenth time I had been asked the question, “So, what do you want to do with your life?”

My response was the same as it had been every single time before: “I want to help people.”

And, as always, the response was similar — “That’s great! You’re an empath… not many people your age think like this… you’re a leader.”

Basically, they all applauded my intent.

But the fifteenth time was different.

He looked at me and asked quietly, “And why do you think others need your help?”

I hesitated, then said, “Because they’re struggling… because their lives aren’t the same as ours — the ones who are privileged.”

He looked at me, still calm. “But what have you done in your life that they should take your help?”

I remember feeling hurt by the question. My instinct was to defend myself, to explain my good intentions. I wanted to say, “That’s why I want to join this company — so I can be worthy to contribute.”

He smiled slightly and said, “Ah, so now it has shifted — from wanting to help, to wanting to be worthy of contribution. I think you just got something.”

Then he said words that changed the way I understood life, people, and leadership forever.

“You cannot help people. That’s a statement of the inflated ego.

You think you have it better than others, and you want them to have what you have. But how can people aspire for what they don’t even know exists? Their dreams might simply be about having two meals a day or a set of clothes to wear. You, on the other hand, are thinking of cars, education, and houses. That’s not their desire — that’s your guilt of privilege.

You’re trying to ease your guilt by helping. But you cannot suffocate people with your help.

You can only empower them with your support.”

Then he paused, letting the silence sink in.

“Help automatically puts you on a pedestal — it feeds your ego.

But support keeps you grounded. It comes from awareness — from truly seeing what others need, what they want.

And to do that, you must first know yourself.

That’s the real state of contribution — when you realise it’s not your ‘bigness’ that allows you to give, but your humility that allows you to share.

Because without someone willing to receive, you have no place to give.

They have to want what you have to offer. And what you offer must align with what they seek — otherwise, it’s purposeless.”

This conversation shifted something fundamental in me.

Until then, I had thought I was humble in my intent of helping people.

But I realised that humility begins with discovering yourself — and then standing beside others as they discover themselves.

This interview changed my life forever.

This learning came from Session 26 of the Shine Program for Life — our flagship program. If this conversation stirred something in you, I genuinely hope you get the chance to experience what I did. It's truly worth it. See what it's all  about at https://www.victormanickam.com/pfl